Daily schedule (read: struggle), toddler and me

They say a toddler needs a schedule. I’d say I need a schedule and my toddler refuses to cooperate and partake in it. And sometimes I feel like my husband is a little elf saboteur, who sometimes helps, but sometimes sabotages me just for fun. Except nobody’s laughing.

I have a relatively clear idea of how I want our day to look. Let’s call it the “Ideal schedule”.

Ideal schedule

7:00 Get up and morning routine (breastfeeding, breakfast, morning hygiene, and getting dressed)

9:00 – 11:00     Playtime and/or Outdoor time

11:00 – 12:00   Cooking lunch and/or chores

12:00 – 13:00   Lunch and cleaning up

13:00 – 16:00   Nap

16:00 – 18:00   Playtime and/or Outdoor time, maybe some chores

18:00 – 19:00   Cooking dinner

19:00 – 20:00   Dinner and cleaning up

20:00 – 21:00   Nighttime routine (hygiene, playtime)

21:00                Bedtime

I don’t know how to get there yet, but I hope to get there before my daughter’s nap needs change. Right now we’re at a completely different place so I have another plan for right now, let’s call it the “Ideal “realistic” schedule”.

Ideal “realistic” schedule

8:30 Get up and morning routine (breastfeeding while listening to 3 songs, breakfast, morning hygiene, and getting dressed)

11:00 – 12:00   Outdoor time

12:00 – 13:00   Lunch and cleaning up

13:00                Playtime and maybe some chores

Undefined       Nap

After nap         Dinner, cleaning up, and playtime

21:00                Nighttime routine (hygiene, playtime)

22:30                Bedtime

That’s what I strived for today, here’s how it went:

Real schedule

We did, very reluctantly, wake up at 9ish. We breastfed while listening to 3 songs. So far so good. After the diaper change, we went for some milky again. We headed to the kitchen and had some milky again, when: “What is that sound? Bed squeaking? Is Daddy up? Let’s go check! Oh no, he still looks like sleeping. Let’s climb up to bed and cuddle, that might wake him up… Still looks too tired, never mind, back to the kitchen.”

Unfortunately, I didn’t do the dishes yesterday after dinner, so I wanted just to “rearrange” the dishes on the counter and wipe the counter off. “Oh wiping is fun, I want to do it too!” Ok, that will delay us a little bit, but at least I can wash some dishes in the meantime.

Counter all wiped up about 20 times, let’s make breakfast. Sit at the table and eat some of it. (The breakfast, not the table. Although I heard that can happen too.) “I swear I heard Daddy again, let’s go check! He’s up, let’s read some books”.

At 11 barely eaten but the breakfast is officially over. We head to the bathroom and after that change clothes, this time exceptionally fast. We want to use the opportunity and go outside, but my husband needs urgent help with some documents (the little elf at work). Now we’re ready to go, it’s 12:30. (Note at this time we we’re supposed to eat lunch or maybe already have eaten it.) My daughter looks a little bit tired and wants to take the stroller with us. That’s new, we don’t use one for months anymore. But why not? We take the stroller and of course, she stays there for 10 minutes and wants to walk, so I hold her hand and with the second one, I’m pushing the stroller. We need to do some shopping, which is especially fun with the stroller you can barely fit through the door let alone navigating the isles with stroller and toddler as two units instead of one.

At 13:45 we are home again and have some milky. Fortunately, I don’t have to cook today, we’re just reheating a meal from the freezer. We are done with lunch at 14:45 and have some milky again, still at the kitchen table. She falls asleep. I take that as a big win!

It used to be like this before, she used to fall asleep right after lunch and this is ideal for me. Actually, it would be better if I could manage to do the dishes before she falls asleep, but that’s a minor detail. Unfortunately, recently it’s usually not been the case, I’ve been waiting for hours for her to fall asleep. And meanwhile, we don’t do much not to pass the right moment and delay the nap even further. And then she falls asleep at 16:30 or 17:00, wakes up around 20:00 and there’s no time for anything anymore.

So I’m really happy she went to bed right after lunch, although the lunch was late, so it was still a pretty late nap time. And we were finally outside again, that’s great too. I will quickly wash the dishes before she wakes up and goes into the baby carrier (I have no idea how is somebody able to do the dishes with a baby in the carrier. I could write an article about what I learned regarding babywearing and being productive. Like how do you see anything in front of you? And are your arms really that long that you’re able to do something on “the other side”?), so I can sit at the computer and write, while she sleeps some more.

Waking up at 18:00, that is just the right time for making dinner. Some playtime with Daddy while I prepare the food. Some more playtime after dinner and nighttime hygiene at 21:00. At 23:00 she comes to me, takes my hand, and walks me into the bedroom. Do you wanna sleep? Yes? Well great then! Some milky in the bed and goodnight.

As you can see, the part before the nap is quite chaotic and not according to plan at all. After the nap, all goes pretty well. But I have to say, as I was documenting the day and didn’t feel the pressure of trying to stick to a schedule (because the plan was to document, how the schedule was not working for us), I enjoyed the day a lot more than I would normally. So I was thinking maybe if I just stop worrying, we will have much more fun and eventually we will figure it out somehow.

The next day came the greatest surprise – she suddenly woke up at 7:30, and immediately got up. She had a nap at 11:30 . We didn’t have lunch by then but she ate as she woke up at 14:00. We were able to enjoy the day and the sun. And then I was doing the math – since she woke up that early from her nap, she would probably have an earlier bedtime. 19:00? Ok, just make sure she’s in her pajamas before that. And would you believe it? 19:00 she falls asleep…

And 21:00 she wakes up again. Yes. It was naïve to think she would sleep the whole night through starting at 19:00. We went to bed at 00:30 and the next morning we had problems getting up and everything was all over again.

So what did I learn? I think the conclusion from the first documented day, to not stress about it, was partially right. I think it is good to have a plan in mind and to try to stick to it, but don’t stress about it too much. Not to ruin the day over it. Rather be a bit more spontaneous and enjoy the day as it goes. But just let it go completely? That’s not exactly the right path for us either.

I also learned changing the schedule won’t be a quick fix, as when you simply change the wake-up time it won’t change the whole schedule as you need, and definitely not permanently.

And the most important thing I learned? Just “winging it” won’t do, I need to come up with some type of plan that will be somehow research-based if I don’t want to lose my mind over it.

So that will be the task for the couple of next weeks – to do some research on this topic and try to implement some changes. I will follow up, meanwhile I will be thankful for any good advice.